My Hate

If it was the CIA who tried to kill me, (for what reason I don’t know as I was a faithful person to the woman to whom I was engaged and her supposed CIA protected family), as I was told when what would be done to me was outlined by my fiancée, if I was unfaithful, a half year before the attacks started, then you can see that the USA owes me 3 billion dollars for my pains and sufferings since, as it’s over 40 years now since the “accidents” and my sufferings beginning.

The Secret Service said to me personally, (in 1983 I believe it was when I was arrested for treason for cursing the United States, if they wouldn’t settle my case adequately), they know the attempts on my life took place but they know a media company was responsible not the CIA.

They didn’t press an indictment.

They won’t give me the information verbally or in writing about what media company it was who was responsible for the attempts on my life or anything in writing about how I’m owed more money from disability like they told me.

Being cheated out of a normal life, (all these years), my health and even my sanity at times was a very terrible and very painful fate. If the rich USA doesn’t owe me compensations for it that rich Media Company does.

Regular, even poor, citizens are charged enormous interest, shouldn’t a rich attempted murderer be charged as high an interest on compensations, he owes for his debilitating offenses, as the law will allow.

Yes is the answer I hear.

Of course those murdering deranged people should likely be locked up in prison a very long time too.

My attempts to make a case from back when they started till now have met with lawyers unwilling to confront such forces. The first lawyer who handled the only accident case prosecuted against the aggressors, in the years immediately after 1966, (when I was tossed 30 feet by the car that hit me with bones sticking out of my body while I was only 20 years old), told me in front of witnesses, whom I roomed with then that he was too scared to confront such a conspiracy and instead he handled it as an isolated incident.

From the total settlement, of $12000, ($7500 to my father for taking care of me a month after the accident and the rest to the lawyer, [I got nothing]), he didn’t do a very good job of it.

The car that hit me was making a turn in the wrong lane, like how James Dean was killed. Maybe they were the same company of media people murderers.

As a contrast I will relate another incident. In 1975 I witnessed an 80 year old lady being knocked down simply to the ground by a car that didn’t stop for a stop sign. She received $80,000 on the basis of my lone witness testimony.

The working records that were missing from my files that prevented me from receiving workman’s compensations were recognized as a reality, (films as well as photos of me working were available as I was in the theatre where many of such things are made and saved), by the Secret Service, (but not in writing, though I requested written records under the freedom of Information act), but I could not get the missing compensations or any settlement because as Social Security has told me, the records to compute how much I’m owed are still missing.

As I’m owed so much you might realize at times I sense that I possess an enormous potential of sheer will power. It is also derived from an observed uncanny ability to sense coming tragedy or perhaps actually motivate it, with cursing.

This is quite troubling to my mind to believe such things.

Many persons were killed or harmed during these incidents when my psychic powers appeared to have been responsible.

I once felt lousy when I was in Manhattan, for what specific reason I do not recall and made a call from a public phone to a newspaper that a bridge would fall down.

A few minutes later a main bridge in NY was struck by a plane falling out of the sky on it.

A month before 9/11 and the twin towers incident, after many very lonely years as a crippled pauper, in a fit of emotional and actual physical agony lasting many years, I wished for planes to fall out of the sky all over America and wake the people up from their unconsciousness, to make them think perhaps something is wrong in America, but mostly to satisfy a normal urge to be a hurting force like the persons who hurt me because they appeared the winners and I the loser. I wanted to be a winner for a change. It’s a natural way to be under a circumstance of life like my own and most people I understand from my readings would react in a somewhat similar way.

It is known sometimes as the abusive parent syndrome where the abused becomes an abuser.

Any body in the nearby vicinity would have heard me cursing in my loudest stage voice.

I cursed that time but there were many other times in my younger days when I did more than curse. I did many damaging things to property, often city property, in my neighborhood. I only know of one person I hurt during one of those outbursts and then I turned myself into a mental hospital.

It is possible I hurt others besides; when I damaged the property but I do not know of any times I actually hurt some one besides that one time.

I regret those days now and I look upon those outbursts as times of weakness.

My direction now, as it was when I was young before the debilitating attempts to kill me transpired, while I have the strength to be so, is to wish for and to do only beneficial things for all life.

In this resolution I believe that I’m becoming sane again.

Maybe in reading of my suffering and the aberrations of logic I endured before finding the proper path of life again some one will be helped to find an elusive reason of mind before they too suffer the regrets of a past of harm done to innocent others.